Strange weekend....  In March a friend who i was seeing daily suddenly decided she had had enough and broke contact (a bit more complicated but thats the gist of it) and of all the people we had both seen over the last 8 months and kept in contact with only one called me and asked my point of view....  First i was happy...  then after it was so hard reaching her i though maybe she was just kidding or trying to get information... so in the weekend she all of a sudden called me and we went to the movies...  it was nice...  and i felt happy :-)... she also told me that M misses me...   maybe the split is not final...  im only worried that if we do ever make up its going to be different... normal friendship...  i dont want that...  so what to do....  perfection is close...  yet so far......... ow... and i made sushi.. it EASY!!! well i just made salmon sushi... so nothing too fancy....

So today i read an email from the VP EMEA...  saying :

Although this is good data (obviously, I don’t agree with all of the assertions that you are not being paid for these activities but I am fed up explaining it when you will not listen), it is not what I asked for or need.

he has never talked to me....  fucking asshole...  he just fucked up a contract and doesnt want his boos to know!!!  Well fuck him... When im the ruler of the universe he will be on my deadlist...  And Mary's GM as welll....

Fucking bully...  my day started so good and is now ruined.......

Some people cant deal with people having more them than in a normal way...  they feel like stealing is a normal practice to get what you want...  I think they are filth....  Especially if they steal personal belongings or break into someones personal domain...  do the few hunderd they make selling stolen shit make up for the insecurity people who get robbed feel? not to mention the cost and hassle it takes to get things repaired that they broke in the process...  also the police...  useless...  they want you to file a report only  so they can get more funding......  not so they can catch someone...  and they wonder why they are not respected anymore...  all they can do is write tickets...  so to both the police and the criminals....   be a man and get a real job!!!!

why do people who dont spend any attention to their girlfriend find someone who is commited to them....  i dont get it...  today i ran into my best friends husband in the cinema... he was alone...  he didnt know i was going to go out with his wife...  but because he showed up i had to cancel... fuck...  i dont get him.. he is like a little child...   im not in love with my best friend but for the first time im wondering why doesnt she dump him...  why of all men did she choose this guy???  that spends sunday night alone while his wife wants to go out??????? i dont get it..... i might never do..... (ps i hope she never does... cause dispite his fault he does love her...  and gives her the freedom to go out with me....)   aaaaaaaaaaaargh

Had sex with my ex on wednesday....  Now she thinks she has a chance on a relationship again... stupid stupid stupid..... 

Yesterday I think i accepted her leaving me...  Either if she would want to have contact again it just would not be the same..  We had trust and that is gone now....

She left me because she had deep feelings...  Seems arrogant but it isnt...  I would never say soemthing like that lightly..  I could have made her happy..  Which she aknowleged a couple of times...  But she just could not accept falling in love with anyone and commiting herself... I changed her...  I believe for the better...  And I might be one of 2 or 3 people that knew everything from her.... 

It is time to move on... yesterday i went out with someone and parked in the same parking garage as when i would go out with her... And walked past the same places we went out (didnt go in though)....  I halve expected to see her inside but i didnt...  I felt sad... 

Anyways...  Yesterday i visited a aunt of mine...  Her daughter (my cousin) has a 6 months baby..... I went in... picked him up.. fed him... and put him to sleep....  and left :-) (without interacting with the people there)...   Feels so great putting a baby to sleep..... I felt so proud cause he never falls asleep so quickly (felt trust and that he felt safe in my arms).... (but then im an expert in those things :-p) 

Being lonely makes you do stupid stuff... And makes you risking losing everything you have without thinking about it.......

I am going to Grenoble...  If I do good at this meeting than I might get noticed by senior management.....  time to rise up to the occasion....

So the wedding is done..  He is finally a married guy… lots of stress..  lots of fun… lots of family..  no privacy…. So much going on…

 

So first of all…  my appartement.. haven’t seen in about a week… I hope everything is still in one piece… or at least my carpet and my 50 inch plasma… and my Siemens appliances by Porsche….  Ah yes stuff.. not important but it would be a bitch replacing them!!!

 

Second family…  some of my family really helped and gave so much love…I have had fun everyday just hanging with family members and laughing about stupid stuff… I really have a good bond with my brothers if I compare to other people I know….

 

Other family members need help… and they need it NOW….  If I ever wonder why im screwed up I don’t have to look far…. They can be evil…  and complain about stuff that doesn’t matter…  The have no personal life or friends…  their life is empty and they somehow blame us…  all they have is their money…  the outside world might be envious of their lives but I know better.. and they know I know….

 

 

My best friend, I love her to bits…  on Sunday though she got a bit to drunk and was complaining how horny she was… and was commenting about my cousins how hot they were (she is married and her husband was the DJ at this party)…  so of course I took care of her (which some people mistook for me having a relation with her)…  SO after the party we were going to celebrate queensday…  but it soon became to obvious that she was a bit to drunk so we went to her place… She just rented it recently and just has two matrasses in it…

 

She first went to her old place to get some stuff to stay over but as we were driving to her new place she asked her husband if he could drop her home afterwards and I was thinking wtf did I come so far for this?

 

So we started to chat but after an hour I was getting sleepy…  And her husband was like ok lets go…  I was like thinking… huh…  you are leaving me here alone???  But she was staying.. and he NOT!!!  He was worried however were I was sleeping…  so he was like saying to my best friend here are the blnkets go to sleep and he will sleep in that room….

 

However as soon as he left she got some energy and said don’t mind him come sleep next to me…. (ok so I should have said no but…  I have a thing with sleeping alone…) So we did (remember she was horny from all the alcohol)…  and we started talking (we used to talk every day till 4 in the morning on the phone every night…) and at a moment she started grinding her behind against my hand (which was sticking out…)…  but she thought it was something else…  cause after a while she said you need a cold shower… I wanted to touch her really bad…  but I need her as a friend…  she is the only one that not only puts up with my complaints but also enjoys spending time with me… and I already lost a good friend (although maybe a similar sitiation completely different)

 

I do wonder if something happened if we could still be friends… I don’t think so from  her side (she loves her husband)…..  but I also think… WTF why did her husband leave us alone when he knew his wife was horny???  And even though im her best friend im till a guy…. Nobody knows that we slept in one bed…  I don’t want anybody to think she is bad or anything… cause nothing happened and even if I wanted I believe she would have stopped me….  But he should make more effort in the bedroom… Its his job…. And just saying im tired just doesn’t cut it this day and age….

 

Everyone wants me to get married badly.. wish they would just leave me alone in this issue… its my choice my life period… 

 

Wednesday an ex is staying over…  and im thinking should I have sex or not….  Will she want to have sex or not… questions questions…..

 

Also sleeping next to someone without having sex…  it that cheating? (I wouldn’t like if a girlfriend of mine did it)  But should I say no when someone suggests it?  Or is it their responsibility? I need a girlfriend… this is getting so complicated……

My brother is getting married.... So much to do....  Sooooooooo much to do......... Need a holiday!!!